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This last few weeks I decided to put my theory about affirmations to the test ie, they don’t work, so for my empirical bit of research I chose some popular affirmations and..well..affirmed each of them for a week and here are the results.

money magnet

The Energy of Money – Maria Nemeth Ph.D

I repeated this along with the mantra “money comes to me in expected and unexpected ways” in my brain several times a day between Monday and Friday.

Result: Money did come in expected ways – I got paid for working. I hazard a guess here that this would have happened anyway, like it has before when I didn’t affirm what an amazing money attractant I am.  In other news, no unexpected money came my way, although I did find 5p on the pavement when I was walking to work one day so maybe it did.  Objectively my bank account was less full than it was on the Monday so I am calling this one a fail.

I am beautiful

Attributed to many authors.

This is a really popular affirmation for improving one’s body image and self esteem.  As I have never been what one would call “a looker” I decided to give this one a go so I told myself into the mirror morning, noon and night how absolutely beautiful I am.

Result:  Fail of almost Epic proportions.  I look absolutely no different than I did at the beginning of the week, but at least I don’t look any worse which is probably something to be grateful for.  The failure of this particular affirmation was so grand that I declined to do the one about being thin because I didn’t think I could cope with any more bad news.  My partner (when asked) informed me I am always gorgeous, but he is biased and is really attached to his testicles and so his opinion cannot be included in this study.

I always have a choice

by Louise Hay

I always like this one because it just seems so reasonable and true.  But actually in reality it is total bullshit.

Dutifully telling myself I always have a choice I carefully weighed up my choices over the course of a day or three.  First, I don’t have a choice whether or not to go to work if I want to eat, keep a roof over may head and pay my bills.  I could choose not to go but going vs starvation is not really a choice between 2 equally pleasing options.

Secondly, I didn’t have a choice about what to have for lunch because the cafe I usually go to when I am at work has shut so just had to eat some crummy sandwich.  The choice (again) was go hungry.  Not really a choice.

Thirdly, I would have chosen to go and sit on the beach in Bermuda but I didn’t have the cash for a plane ticket (see “I am a money magnet”).

Result:  Fail.

and finally:

Universe will provide

author unknown

I am a bit dubious about even trying this one, the idea of sitting on my arse for a week waiting for the universe to provide would be interesting.  Will it provide water as if by magic without the necessity of me getting up to go to the tap, or food, or money.  On the basis of the above affirmations I am willing to concede defeat, cancel my research, and just say not.  Unless of course I choose to become a member of the Royal family and have servants bring me stuff.