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Went shopping for the Christmas food yesterday but we all divided up the jobs that needed doing before I went: myself and my daughter (aged 17) went shopping, my son (aged 21) who is staying with us for the festivities cleaned the kitchen and my partner walked the dog.

Conversation in the car park of the supermarket:

Me:  Bloody hell!  The boys always get the easiest jobs…meanwhile the “weaker sex” is out in the pi**ing rain, freezing our arses off and lugging great big heavy bags of shopping.

Daughter:  I am really surprised you aren’t a Lesbian to be honest.

Me:  No sorry, don’t like muff.

Daughter:  Well be asexual then or celibate.

Me:  No sorry, like cock.

Daughter:  Maybe I will be a lesbian

Me:  OK

Daughter:  Would you mind?

Me:  Why would I mind?  I really don’t care what you do with your genitals and as I won’t be there it won’t make any odds to me.

Daughter:  Fair enough.