Yesterday, I am pretty convinced we had a visit from Zombies. Of course that sounds insane, but the evidence is overwhelmingly in favour of my theory.
Well, when I say evidence, I mean the sounds emanating from my neighbour’s garden for the best part of 6 hours yesterday could not be caused by anything other than a gang of rampaging zombies desperate for the next fix of brain.
My neighbour’s infant daughter is called “Natalie”. I know this because her name was constantly shouted by said zombie massive yesterday afternoon. Maybe it means “brain” in another language but at least she will never forget what her name is. Neither will we.
“Brain” was encouraged to scream in her best blood-curdling voice periodically, to howls of laughter and endless praise from the gang, who obviously thought that giving a small child a hideous sore throat was a perfect fun way to spend a Saturday. The scream training was interspered with zombie-esque sounds, this time from the “adults” who are obviouly training her to develop the scream into a more realistic sounding “uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh”. I don’t yet think she has perfected the zombie walk but that can come later, once she gets proper walking well and truly under her belt.
I didn’t even consider that they could be zombies until at 8pm when we sat down to eat (inside, as it is actually too noisy to enjoy my own garden), my partner did an excellent job of mimicking one of the more outrageous zombie moans. My daughter did caution that they may hear him (and hence realise there were fresh brains next door, putting us all in mortal peril). My response: “Good, I have been listening to them all fucking day!” obviously did permeate their collective decaying crania – silence ensued, followed by an exodus inside.
This morning they went out for the day, I know this because the head zombie was organising it loudly on his mobile outside my bedroom window at 8am. I feel sorry for whoever lives next door to the zombie gathering today but hey, I’m a NIMBY and I don’t care!!
So, if you are considering buying a property here, be sure to have a good supply of shovels, you never know when you may need to whallop a zombie.