Day 14 (Saturday)
I had a massive rant last night – feeling so angry about the whole situation. Poor husband empathised. Then I shut up and we watched a movie…no point moaning I guess, as it does not change anything it just shares the misery around.
Still having a lot of sleep problems due to the anxiety brought on by fear of waking up with the world in a mad spin. I think I got into bed by about 2am and I managed the grand total of about 4 hours sleep. The stupid thing about this is that sleep is such a healing and restorative process so my stupid brain is actually hampering me. Grrr.
Anyway, that said, the world seems to be a little less wobbly today. It was noticeable when I awoke and although the world still feels like I am on a boat, the seas may be a little less choppy than they were and my vision seems more crisp. This has given me a bit more hope today.
This hope was dashed later….husband took me out in the car, felt every movement even the suspension. Had to come home, having travelled less than a mile from home. This was very disheartening to say the least.
That said, after a good cry I pulled myself up by my bootstraps, grabbed my walking stick, and went along with my husband when he took the dog out. This was a lot easier today. I do have to stop briefly every so often just to regain more equilibrium but I did manage to go at least another 300 yards today and it made me feel less tired. Getting outside is good too because it stops me feeling so stir crazy. I cannot hold my husbands hand because I end up trying to compensate for my balance and accommodate his movements. I walk a nice respectful 3 steps behind so I have room for me, my wobbles, and my stick 😀
After this I had a power nap for just over an hour, had to catch up on that lost sleep!
I’ve had a few weird symptoms in my ear: it itches periodically not in the ear canal but it feels deep inside. It also feels like it is leaking, I can feel fluid moving and it feels like it is going into the ear canal but there is nothing there. The high pitched tinnitus has reduced to a hissing noise today, but I still have that feeling of fullness and dull pain. I can also hear my neck move which is very disconcerting. It sounds like I have grit in my neck! My ear has stopped cracking loudly though which is nice. My thoughts seem clearer today too.
A friend of mine had this a few years ago and she has been very reassuring about my recovery, but the thing everyone agrees on is that you have to be patient as it takes time. I have never been patient. This is going to be very hard. But I have to remind myself that I am completely free of any medication, and how much better I am since Day 1, and keep plodding onwards.