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Sunday (Day 15)

I was a lot less dizzy when I woke first thing, and it seems to be a lot better as long as I am stationary. That said, movement seems to be a lot more dizziness inducing today. I have managed to do some tidying up around the house but very little else. Having to stop more often today to regain my equilibrium because if I allow the spins to go on for too long I feel quite sick. I find this worrying regarding my return to work, but I do have to keep reminding myself that I am not due back until the 9th and hopefully improvement will be greater by then.

I seem to have completely got over the brain fog, but still very tired. My mouth ulcers have all but gone too, apart from a monstrous one about the size of a 5p piece which has taken residence on the inside of my top lip. Probably the most inconvenient location as it renders everything, even drinking, painful. I used to have a fantastic cream for ulcers called adcortyl which got withdrawn so I was happy to find kenacort gel online which is the same thing and that has made a vast difference for me.

I am going out for another drive tomorrow (as a passenger obviously!) to see how I cope with being in the car. I am hoping this at least will have improved enough to expand my horizons a little.

Monday (Day 16)

No real change today. I slept slightly better and got up late but I still feel really tired. Tried a trip out in the car again this morning – I managed about half a mile more this time but then we had to return as I felt so sick. Thankfully this passed after about 30 minutes of arriving home, and a cup of peppermint and nettle tea was nice and settling.

I am supposed to be performing at a wedding on Saturday – a huge affair, organised by the company of a friend. I have to be able to travel for an hour. The irony of it is that by Saturday I may be able to, but I can’t guarantee it. So, I either let her down now with a chance to find someone else, or wait and potentially let her down at the last minute.

headinhandsI feel bad about the whole situation – letting people down, how this impinges on others at work and at home. And of course, on the outside I look perfectly normal. My walking has improved within the house to the point where anyone watching wouldn’t even think that the world was, for me, wavy and wobbly. Sitting here, I feel fine. I want to do things. I want to go back to work and get on with life. Then I move and try to do anything and it simply is not happening.

It is endlessly frustrating. I hate this. So far I’ve spent a good few hours in tears today. Just want it to end.